Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
