Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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