I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
