Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
