Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
