im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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