and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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