I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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