What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
