CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
