While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
