bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
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