Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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