there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
