All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize