end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Randomize
