dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Randomize
