and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
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