I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Randomize
