i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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