I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
