You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
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