that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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