guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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