Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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