lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize
