the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
