He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
