the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Randomize
