i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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