So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
