I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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