i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
