i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
