No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
