3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
