dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
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