Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
My penis needs a shock collar
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Randomize
