yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Randomize
