You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
wakey wakey hands off snakey
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
