WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize