all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
