eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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