her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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