i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Randomize