Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
I'm really busy with my period
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