Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
