My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
