I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
