dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
