im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
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