I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
