dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
