tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
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