I wish my penis had an off switch
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
