Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
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