Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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