I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
