it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
