i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
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