It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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