are you still at the devil's house?
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Randomize
