I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
