she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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