I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
