Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
